What they don't tell you about long-distance relationships

In case you didn’t know, Peter and I did long-distance for 4.5 years during college (+ a little after). In fact if you saw our distance on paper, you might even think it was a joke:

5 hours apart for 4 years of college | He went to Iowa and I was in Wisconsin

2 hours apart for 1 semester in Italy | He was in Rome and I was in Florence

Across the country for 1 summer | He was in California and I was in Florida

Across the country for 6 months | He was in South Carolina and I was in Minnesota

While you obviously have heard a million times how hard long-distance is, there are a few things you can only know from being in a long-distance relationship about long-distance relationships, ya know?

It’s actually kinda fun

Of course, it’s incredibly hard, BUT on the bright side it is super fun!

Think about it, when you only have 2-3 days over the weekend to enjoy time together there is no chance to be unhappy! Since I didn’t have a car for most of college, it wasn’t all too often that I made my way down to Drake to see Peter or he came to WI (maybe once every 5 weeks-ish), so when we did get to see each other, it was THE BEST! We spent those few days without any sense of budget or timeline, living in our own little bubble for the weekend.

I can vividly remember the feeling of pulling into Des Moines and crossing the bridge with insane butterflies filling my stomach, eager to hug Peter, smell his cologne and see him in person! Ahh it was so fun and sweet.

Another factor to consider is how fun it is to be in a new city! This was especially true of our distance after college, when I would visit him in South Carolina and get a quick vacation from Minnesota. We lived large; exploring cities, eating at new restaurants and basically doing whatever we wanted for the time being! It was also really fun spending time together in California during the summer we interned across the country - we went to Disney, Santa Monica & LA, forgetting about the distance that stood between us.

It’s expensive

This is something I definitely didn’t consider when we were first doing long-distance, but man, the cost of planes, trains and automobiles can add up quickly! Of course this is a minor cost of being with the one you love, but dang this was rough!

It can be hard to relate to others

This sounds negative, but I promise it’s not meant to be. What I mean is that even when your friends are also going through long-distance, they aren’t in the exact same scenario as you. Sometimes they have a different physical distance than you & your boo, or maybe a different # of years under their belt, but whatever it is, I don’t think anyone can truly understand what you and your partner are feeling, and that’s okay! It’s actually good because it’s something so special to the two of you that can actually bring you closer together!

Finding your communication style is key

I would say this is something that we mastered pretty early on in our relationship. It’s very easy to get out of sync and feel disconnected being so far apart, especially when bogged down with school work and jobs. There were times that we coasted for a few weeks so focused on our own lives and not putting as much attention into one another as we should’ve, and that was okay! We always found our way back into a groove, learning as we went.

What worked best for us a little bit of everything. We made the most of texting, having meaningful conversations and avoiding meaningless conversations with one word answers. We would also call in-between classes to say hi or share funny moments, and set aside at least one night/week for long Facetime dates!

You need to listen, like really listen

Maybe your boo is having a hard day and needs to vent or maybe they have a story to tell about classmates you don’t know anything about, whatever it may be, it is key that you are actually listening. Trust me, it is SO easy to multi-task and half-ass a conversation. You’re busy & have places to be! But, I’ve learned that it’s important to spend the time together in conversation, being intentional and present!

Saying goodbye is the hardest

I can’t tell you how many times I cried saying goodbye to Peter. It was heart-wrenching, actually. The worst always seemed to be after summer break when we finally had enough time to adjust to being together and then were abruptly forced to be apart yet again. But, on the flip side, it always made the next time we saw each other that much more special!

I’m not sure if this was advice, venting or maybe both, but I felt suddenly compelled to share my thoughts on long-distance because it’s not something that very many people really dive into! If anything, give your loved ones an extra hug & kiss, let them know you are thankful :)

Cheers!

xoxo - Katie